I feel so vulnerable whenever after our whatever shitsxz,
I feel like crying. Always made me feel like I can't do anything.
It's not like I want to make you 心软 when you see me cry.
I wanna be strong! But I guess the tears are too heavy.
I feel like a retard talking to myself on a blog
but I can't tell you, I'll only end up crying.
I can't keep it to myself, I'm dying inside.
Do I really have that much flaws?
Why are always unhappy with me?
I love you the way I want, not the way you want.
You love me the way you want, not the way I want.
If you really do love me itfp.
B, you know what actually I still mind about you being very close to Yunting. I FEEL INFERIOR TO HER. It's like everytime after you meet her, you'll be talking about her. I feel like she takes up more of your mind then I do. Maybe I take up more space in your heart, but now that she's your sister, I feel you care for her more. She being your sister make me feel worse because SHE IS YOUR SISTER and it naturally means to you that being close to her means nothing big deal. But everything is possible, siblings can become a couple, why not a pair siblings that are only actually closer friends? It's not that I don't believe you. I don't believe myself. I don't believe I can keep your heart better than she can. I feel inferior, you think she's prettier, you think she's sexy, you think she's cute. What am I that she's not. I feel that she's better and that makes me feel that you'll go for the better. That's why I feel very insecure when you and her are close. And the worse thing is I don't know what can anyone do to make things better );
And you keep telling me that Ting's very vulnerable, you think she cannot get hurt. Then who spared me a thought. Though I'm strong, or whatever not, I still do get hurt. I still break down. Are you expecting me to solve it for her? I know somehow why Peng is like that. But I don't know how to solve it because I'm one of 'Yunting's victim'. I will try to talk to Peng when I found a way to convince myself that what Yumting is doing is right.
I dress up because I respect you. I don't want people to say that you've a sloppy girlfriend. I want you to be proud of me. I don't mean that you don't respect me or what not, it's just that we've different thinking. I mind what people think or say very much. I lack of a lot of confidence and security. I've been trying to 'tone down' in dressing, but that's just my style. I don't know how to change more than that. You know what? I feel that you've been changing me a lot. You expect me to actually. But I can't feel much about you changing for me. Maybe because you hide it from me :)
I'm sorry if this make you feel that I'm asking you to fo something. But I'm not. I just have to tell you before I really cannot take it any longer. I feel you should know. I'm so sorry I'm not perfect. I can only do the best to accommodate you, your thinking and everything. I'm sorry.